Yep…I married mine….or did I? I think I mean it when I say it about my sweet husband, but is it really true? The other night I was with my dear friends and one of them mentioned that I was lucky that I had found my soul mate and that it only comes around once in a lifetime. That got me really pondering. Something about the word lucky just didn’t sit right. Was it the cosmic luck of the draw that had brought this one particular man into my sphere? It is important for me to figure this one out, because we have the amazing and humbling task of mentoring young couples on the brink of marriage. If this is just luck and there is only one, then our work just got infinitely more difficult to try and weed out those non-matched soul mates and talk them out of getting married.
Obviously many years ago, I was drawn to this boy, yet to become a man. He caught my seventeen year old eye. With sweaty palms, fluttery hearts, and starry eyes, we declared our love for each other. And yes, those scientific pheromones were definitely part of the equation as well. Was he my soul mate then? The rose colored glasses were firmly planted on my nose in that love is blind stage, but to be honest I didn’t know enough about him (or life) to know if our souls were aligned. I knew that he was a gentleman and treated me with respect and looked really cute in his football uniform. I knew he had a mischievous smile that made me think he knew a secret about me. I also knew that we were different. He was an extrovert to my introvert. He loved television and I preferred a book. He loved parties with lots of people, I preferred a picnic in the woods in deep conversation. He liked meat, I liked vegetables. We weren’t exactly opposites, but I can’t say we were soul mates ….then.
Through the roller coaster ride of make ups and break ups during our college years, he didn’t really seem to be my soul mate then either. His soul was being pulled toward dating other girls and my soul… well mine was just feeling sadly broken up with and was all over the map.
After lots of years and careful thought, we finally made the choice to spend our lives together and marry. Our Biblical ceremony proclaimed us to be united together into one flesh. In looking back, I believe this to be when the soul spark was ignited…. with the proclamation of our one-ness. The embers that fed that spark would be the subsequent choices that each of us made from that day forth…the choice to commit to each other, the choice to become friends as well as lovers, the choice to hurtle our problems instead of run away from them, the choice to fight for love at times even when we didn’t like each other very much, the choice to keep our eyes focused on each other rather than succumb to other temptations, the choice to compromise over things we would rather do our own way, and most importantly the choice to put God in our marriage, maybe a bit later in the game than we should have. We also made some very poor choices along the way. However, thankfully, each of our good choices took us toward each other, which allowed for many tethers to tie our souls together. The actual mating of our souls evolved very slowly over time. It built on the history that we had shared together. Some choices were easy and others were most definitely NOT. It’s was not a happily ever after but rather a work in progress. At each juncture, we could have chosen a different path and our destination may have taken our souls away from each other.
I am married to my soul mate, but we worked really hard to get to this place. I believe that God has honored our choices and for that, I am Blessed. Obviously we are all drawn to people for different reasons that involve physical and emotional attractions. We see the best of them and the worst of them and perhaps feel connected on a subliminal level. However, I don’t think having a soul mate is an instantaneous event. It is more like a sun rise; it happens slowly and warms gradually. And just like the sunrise, it is capable of happening an infinite number of times if our choices lead us toward one another. Thinking I’m lucky alleviates my responsibility to make good choices and eliminates my hope if I feel unlucky. Therefore, I am convinced, that for me, it was all about the choices…
Our lives are the sum total of the choices we have made ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer