It is that season of year where we think about giving….and getting. However, I find that I have slowly evolved to allow Time, in its wonderful way, to show me what really matters most. I remember those days of making Santa lists, and building expectations of what I wanted. I would lay sleepless on Christmas Eve agonizing if I had been good enough to receive them. I remember those teenage angsty years where gifts were no longer a real surprise because we had told our parents exactly what to buy and in some cases even been with them at the purchase. They were dutifully wrapped and put under the tree in the pretense of a surprise, but I remember how fleeting the joy of the material gift itself. It soon left a hollow echo of the anticipation that preceded it.
What I want now is free….and priceless. I want time to love, enjoy, explore and experience life. I want to enhance my personal story with memories, not things. I want to fill the attic of my mind. I don’t want anything that fits in a box….I want to live my life out of the box, full of engagement and a large dose of whimsy.
I want to be surrounded by those I love best. I want some of their time as well. I want to hear the minute details of what is going on in their lives. Oh, how I delight in the details!!! I want to swim in the deep end of their lives. I want to continue to be inspired to add fire wood to the flames of these relationships.
I want to enjoy the fruits of our labor from years of parenting. I want to revel in this aftermath when we can sit back and be incredibly thankful for what we had and how beautifully they turned out, either because of or in spite of what we did or didn’t do right. I want to enjoy watching them build their own families and feel that we may still be of value and relevant to them in some small way. I want them to enjoy being with us, not out of a sense of obligation, but rather out of a sense of predilection and belonging.
I want to live the life that I tried to inspire in my students during those wonder years of teaching. I want to explore and keep my insatiable desire for learning about this beautiful blue planet home of ours. My memory doesn’t work quite like it did in my youth, so I must continually pour into my brain like an infinite waterfall and hope that some of it sticks. I want to learn from the wisdom of others, from history, from books, from lectures, and from doing. I want my curiosity to be revived to childlike levels.
I want to experience life. I want to immerse myself into the world and alleviate my fears to overcome barriers to be and to do. These include both the barriers from action and barriers from interaction with people different from myself.
What I want for Christmas doesn’t come in a box, nor a wrapping under a tree, it comes from the creation of this amazing world filled to overflowing with Tree Stars of our people, nature’s beauty, and our curiosity that was a gift the Creator himself. That’s all I want for Christmas…